Skulduggery Pleasant Spoof: Tanith and China go to Therapy
by ValkyrieCain4Ever
Summary: So this is my entry for the 'Exquisite Corpse' competition and I also wanted to post it since it is a spoof and a story I have been wanting to do for a long time! Enjoy! Please review! :)


"So you are Miss China Sorrows and Miss Tanith Low?" The not-so thin and not-so young Dr. Pepper, Family Therapist and Counselor asked the two young women who sat in front of his desk.

Tanith Low scowled. "Why did he say your name first?" 'Stupid Skulduggery,' she thought angrily, 'making me come here while I could be out having some fun.'

"Probably because I'm prettier and have a higher IQ than you." China Sorrows responded smoothly.

Tanith gave her a warning growl and Dr. Pepper hurriedly continued before something bad could happen. "Let's start with identifying your problem."

"Well," China said, shooting a glare at Tanith. "Apparently our colleagues think, and I quote, that 'every time we are put in the same room together it becomes a danger to everyone and everything in it,' their words, my emphasis."

Tanith scoffed. "Yeah right, like we have problems. We get along just fine! I don't see why we have to go to some stupid therapist for help when we don't need it."

"Yeah."

Dr. Pepper looked at them, suddenly nervous, and hurried along. "Okay, now. Time for an exercise called a 'trust fall.'"

The girls looked at each other, then at him, quizzically.

"A… trust… fall?" Tanith asked, confused.

"Yes, one will 'fall' back and 'trust' the one standing behind to catch the other."

"Okay…" Tanith said slowly.

"Great, now let's do the exercise."

Soon China was standing in front of Tanith.

She looked over her shoulder at the blonde.  
"Catch me or I upload that picture to everyone I know, and more."

Tanith paled, and her eyes widened. 'How did she know about that?'

"Fall," Dr. Pepper ordered and China closed her eyes and fell back.

Tanith caught her and pushed her back to her feet.

"Great!" Dr. Pepper beamed.

'He actually thinks we're getting somewhere,' Tanith thought as they switched places.

"Fall."

Tanith held her breath and fell back, praying that China would catch her and forget about how she had planted stink bombs in her apartment earlier.

She didn't.

Tanith found out that the nice, soft, carpeted floor actually wasn't that soft. Or nice. And at that moment she decided not very appealing either. Tanith looked up at the smug looking China and glared.

Tanith's eyes narrowed and the two girls had a stare down.

Suddenly Tanith snarled and lunged.

The two went down and started clawing and kicking, pulling at each other's hair. A real cat fight.

Finally Dr. Pepper, with the help of some strange grey-clad men who had come in with the women, "for protection," a man in an overcoat and sunglasses had said. They managed to get the women back in their seats.

Tanith scowled in pain. Both women were covered in scratches and had tufts of hair missing.

Dr. Pepper had one more idea, but he was worried with how it was going to turn out.

"So what's ne-" Tanith didn't get to finish her sentence because Dr. Pepper shoved both girls into a special room and locked the door.

Tanith stood there, stunned for a few moments. China looked at her, both of them exchanging a look. 'What just happened?'

Tanith ran over to the door and tried opening it. Locked. She resorted to banging her fists instead. China joined her.

"WHAT THE HECK!?" Tanith yelled.

"WHAT'S GOING ON!?" China snarled.

They heard Dr. Pepper's voice come out of a speaker somewhere. "Sorry, but you can't come out of that room until you have become friends."

Tanith gawked at the speaker. Then an unsettling thought came to her mind.

"What if I need to pee?"

"There is a bathroom behind that door."

Tanith turned and saw the door. "Oh."

"LET US OUT OF HERE!" China screamed, going back to banging on the door.

"No freedom till you two make nice."

Three Hours Later….

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Tanith snarled at China.

The two were having another one of their 'famous' confrontations.

"ALL _MY _FAULT!? _YOU'RE _THE ONE WHO SET OFF _STINK BOMBS_ IN MY APARTMENT!"

"YOU SPRAY PAINTED MY MOTOR BIKE PINK! _PINK!"_ And it wasn't just pink. It was HOT pink. Tanith still had nightmares about it.

"YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK I'M GOING TO SEND THE PICTURE OF YOU AT THE POOL TO THE _ENTIRE _SANCTUARY." China dug out her phone. "Now everyone will know about your fear of diving boards."

Tanith paled. Then she remembered the toilet and an evil smile crept across her face. Before China knew what was happening she was hanging upside down over the toilet in the mini bathroom which was the size of a postage stamp.

"Time for a bath," Tanith cackled while hanging upside down from the ceiling.

China gripped the sides of the toilet and Tanith saw her eyes flit to something on the wall.

"WAIT!" She cried.

Tanith paused.

"I know how we can escape."

"How?"

"Let me down and I'll show you."

Still puzzled, Tanith put China down and China walked over to a ventilation shaft opening with a grate over it near the ceiling.

"Give me a leg up," China hissed.

Finally figuring it out, Tanith intertwined her fingers and boosted China up.

A few seconds later, China had crawled into the vent and Tanith was crawling in behind her.

They crawled for what seemed like hours until they saw sunlight.

"Light!" Tanith squealed.

Finally they had pushed the grate off the new opening and they found themselves falling into a dumpster.

Dr. Pepper was very excited when they returned. "You worked together to escape that room and bonded over that experience. You passed your therapy."

Of course it was all an act and as soon as the girls left they went back to hating each other.

And the picture of Tanith clutching the diving board at the public pool, too scared to jump was never shown in public. Until a few days later.


End file.
